Hi Su
Your husband is naive if he thinks for one moment that what he is doing does not have the potential to turn him from being a fun gambler into being a gambler with serious problems and sadly the fact that he is lying implies he is already on the way to having a real problem.
Gambling is all about risk, without risk there would be little or no incentive. Of course he can lose and even if it is not money he loses he can lose control of his behaviour which is far more serious.
Your husband may be ‘dry gambling’, where money is not involved but the person gambles in his head on something. Dry gambling activates the brain and causes it to become excited until it often degenerates into actively gambling using money although money is not the object – only the ‘gamble’ is the object. Sadly the addiction to gamble comes about from a person having ‘fun’ with no idea that addiction is waiting and can precede misery, loss of family, friends and possessions, mood swings and loss of control.
Typically of a man with a gambling problem your husband’s answers lack logic and reason – he is trying to tell you that the sites he is on are for pleasure, without risk and without gain – life is not that simple. Gambling sites are designed to attract and confuse reality.
Having said all of the above I hope that your husband is still just having fun although if he is lying and will not show you his bank statements, to help you stop worrying, I can’t see where the fun is to be found.
Maybe you could download the 20-Questions from the Gamblers Anonymous website – they might help you to see if you still think there is a real issue. If you think there is then maybe you could leave a copy for him to find – I don’t suggest giving it to him as this would possibly result in a denial and unpleasant accusations.
We have a Friends and Family group tomorrow evening between 20.00-21.00 hours UK time and it would be good if you could pop in – you will be very welcome and we can communicate in real time. It is best to come in early as I have been told by other members that it is the quickest hour in the week!
I suggest for now you avoid confrontation with your husband but that you carry on posting and gaining knowledge of gambling problems that can escalate. Knowledge gives us power and you are stronger than whatever it is that is pulling your husband.
I wouldn’t be writing to you Su, if I didn’t know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled and amazing lives lived as a result.
Keep posting
Velvet
