Hi Strong
You are definitely not an awful person – you are allowing the man you love the space to discover that he alone has to face the consequences of his behaviour -because as long as you stop him taking this responsibility he had no reason to change.
I know it is contrary to what you believe is how you should show your love – you want to nurture and protect. It is a sad truth, however, that protecting a compulsive gambler from hurting himself can often only prolongs the pain.
Because you love him you are standing back – that takes strength.
You ask, ‘Has anyone done the same action?’ and the answer is yes – me. It was not a choice I wanted to make but I had to stand back. The compulsive gambler in my life told me, when he eventually changed his life, that as long as I enabled he saw no reason to face his demons. He was afraid to face them; he believed that he would prove to me that he knew what he was doing – that gambling would save him. Because he has an addiction to gamble, he could not save himself by gambling, he could only spiral down to an abyss of misery, debt and desperation – I would have tried to stop that BS, if I could have done, by enabling but fortunately I went to Gam-Anon and learned that what I was doing was not healthy for him, or for me.
I don’t know how long it will take your loved one to change but I do know that you deserve a life without the addiction to gamble. I know that given time, you will ‘deal’ with it provided you fill you life with friends, hobbies and interests that you enjoy. You are not selfish, you are being selfless and I wish you so much joy in your future.
I hope to talk to you again in real time soon but in the meantime keep looking after yourself and looking forward. Use this past experience as reference only, it is not a good place in which to dwell.
Keep posting
Velvet
