Hi Stacey
I understand everything you have written, so many F&F give up talking to family and friends because of the feeling that people get fed up with hearing the same old complaints that inevitably comes with this addiction, hopefully writing here will give you an outlet for ‘your’ feelings and this forum doesn’t stop listening.
It would be great if you could join me in the F&F group later tonight 20.00-21.00 hours UK time, you will be very welcome, nothing said in that group appears on the forum.
Does your partner say that he wants to control his addiction or is he blithely indulging it without appearing to realise the damage he is causing to his family?
If he wants to stop or if he has tried to stop and failed, so far, there is a lot of support for him, not least the GMA (Gordon Moody Association, our Helpline here, or our ‘CG only’ groups and GA.
I found your post very mature in that you have recognised the problem, you have realised the danger inherent in leaving him alone while you are at work, you know that he is not hurting you deliberately but you are seeking to help him recover, however I don’t hear you thinking you can save him. The only person you can save is you and the only person who can save your partner is your partner – you can certainly support him seek his recovery however and CGs who are supported are more likely to succeed.
CGs are not necessarily honest in their counselling and dedicated addiction counselors and therapists are aware of this. If your partner was seeing a general counselor it is possible that your partner was able to tie him/her up in knots because of the manipulative nature of the addiction. I know (because he subsequently told me) that my CG lied and blamed me for the first 3 months of his counselling but at the end of his treatment he was taking control of his addiction. GA (gamblers anonymous) works because most CGs who attend want to control their addiction but they also recognise when they are getting BS from other members.
I will leave this post here for now but keep posting because threads become like journals which give you the ability to look back and see how far you have come and you will progress because you want to do so.
Velvet
