Hi SP
Well I didn’t hear a sob story but what I did hear was a caring person who is worried sick.
It is difficult when a CG (compulsive gambler) earns a lot of money which seems to make their gambling outlay (to them) seem small. I understand from your post, when you write about his moods and the fact that he blames you for a so-called loss when you were supposed to be enjoying each other’s company, that his gambling has become addictive. It seems to me that your boyfriend is either unaware, or in denial, of his behaviour and I’m afraid the next-day apology does not negate the problem.
It is impossible for me to tell you how to bring the problem to a head. If your boyfriend doesn’t want to listen then he will, I believe,l choose lies and deception over truth, in the hope that you stop asking questions because that is the way an active CG copes.
A way that many of us have used when we have dealt with a CG in the early days is to Imagine the addiction as a slavering beast in the corner of the room. When you try and bring his addiction to a head the beast comes between you and all you will hear is his addiction speaking.
I think it is important that you are aware that you are stronger than his addiction and that with knowledge you will have power over it- F&F enable when they allow the addiction to control their thoughts.
Active CGs generally do not trust those who seek to support them – they see help as someone trying to take away their reason for living and they believe it impossible for those without the addiction to understand how they feel.
By taking yourself out of any argument in which an active addiction will seek to blame you, you give yourself time to look after yourself and you are very important in all this. If you crumble then you cannot help yourself or him.
I suggest you keep posting and hopefully pop into an F&F group – the next one is Tuesday 30th between 22.00 -23.00 hours UK time. It is great to ‘talk’ in real time and nothing said in the group ever appears on the forum so it is private.
Velvet
