Your last post spoke to me. I have suffered from depression and extreme anxiety my whole life and finding out that I had married a cg made both much worse over the course of about 26 years. Even now that my cg is in recovery, my own issues are still a huge problem. Certainly also because the “aftermath” of the gambling years is still ongoing as far as finances etc. are concerned.
You asked about abuse. Yes, I have experienced it as well. Never physical, but painful nevertheless. The lying, the deceit, the blaming, the disrespect, taking advantage, not caring if there was food on the table, you name it, I lived it. I was told that I was the reason for my hb’s gambling. redirected the anger he had towards himself to me. Everything was just my fault. If I didn’t give him money, I was mean and controlling. I was told that nobody appreciated him. I guess that’s how he justified his trips to the casino. I, too, hated myself for putting up with it even after I had learned about the addiction and its dynamics. The person I was would have never put up with it. My problem was that I had given up my home, my family, my friends, my job and therefore my independency to follow my hb to this country because of his job. I had dug myself a hole so to speak and like to think of the enabling as involuntary. I had no choice.
I agree with Velvet to maybe give GamAnon a try, just to see that you are not alone. And that you are not a person you need to hate but rather caught up in your gf’s insane addiction. Have you ever thought about getting help for your mental health issues? Maybe it would help you to find a way out of the desperate situation you seem to be in right now?
Sad mentioned that she is not abusive but feels rather guilty towards her family. This is something I have seen too. My hb would every now and then morph into an extremely guilt ridden person who tried to accommodate every need he detected in me, our daughter and our extended family. Never lasted long, at least not as far as I was concerned. Then it was back to the blaming game, the angry outbursts and condescending remarks.
There is life after gambling, go for it!
