Hi Sherrie.
I think your journal is honest and real.
I hope you continue with it but do what’s best for you.
I feel misunderstood on my threAd and In groups so often- especially when I try to explain how being with my mum sabotages my recovery. I get comments like you can’t blame your mum or you must accept responsibility and I feel totally unheard in what I’m trying to explain . I get accused of enabling my mum( who gambles with or without me) and somehow always feel attacked when I discuss this biggest obstacle to my recovery.
Unfortunately close relationships are never so black and white – all kinds of history, behavioural and relationship patterns , issues and sub-issues come into play. No one really can understand or pass judgement on these.
It is the same with the relationship between you and your husband . I have to admit that I can imagine nothing worse than sitting with a stranger and discussing my problems in person, and yet I know many people get so much from counselling . We are all different and there is no one size fits all.
I am so sorry if I caused you any offence – I hope you continue to post but really you must do what’s right for you.
I’m afraid I don’t really know very much about drugs but I hope whatever treatment you are on is helping .
Xx