Hi Seester
I think your message to your brother shows great compassion and I hope that somewhere in his mind he has found space to store your words.
I hope you are continuing to enjoy the freedom from stress that you had since you wrote to him. It is hard to know when to stop saying words of encouragement – I think we often think that maybe just one more line ‘might’ trigger a good response and then we can tend to say too much and confuse our loved one. So with that in mind, I suggest you do nothing more until you know the bomb has gone off or hopefully he is ready to listen. Rock bottom is a mental state and cannot be arrived at before time. Your brother can read your caring words until then.
I am a great believer in a whole family knowing as much as possible about the addiction to gamble when it is in their midst. One person enabling can lay waste to the efforts of all the others. Through shame, guilt and ignorance I didn’t share my fears with the result that others enabled when I had stopped. Understanding is difficult but you have a lot of knowledge with which you could support your siblings and ultimately your brother.
You have spoken out to your brother now and told him that you know he has an addiction; he therefore has less need to lie to you although I suspect he will probably do so again. I found that when I had enough determination to vow that I would never let the gambling addiction hurt me again, I was able to say the right words, do the right thing and stop being confused by his addiction. I believe in loving the gambler but standing shoulder to shoulder with him in hating his addiction – even if he is not ready to respond.
I hope you and your family and your brother, wherever he is, have a wonderful Christmas – I look forward to hearing from you soon.
Velvet