Hi SaraJ,
Sounds like you are in a similar place that I was in a year or two ago. It seems impossible and like there is no end in sight. It also feels like everything is caving in.
Why do you feel like you continue to go back? Is it the rush of gambling? Do you need the money? Is sounds like you can’t afford to lose that money as you need it for the basic things in life like eating.
I’m not sure what gave me the strength to finally say enough’s enough. I do think losing the nerve in my calf had something to do with it but I was also done with gambling in my head. I knew I couldn’t win it back. I was too far down. Thee was no way out for me accept potentially killing myself or quitting. Thats how bad I was. I had to let it go. I had to start rebuilding. I needed to start healing and stop pealing the scab off. I wanted my life back and compulsive gambling to stop. I made the decision. I let it go. I moved on. Is it hard? most of the time it isn’t. But I still think about it every once in a while. I don’t think I think about in an unhealthy way, usually the thoughts are about what life might have been like had I not gambled… would it have been different…. Then I realize that’s not my life and I move on and think about something I can change.
