Hi Sad thanks for your message and yes I hear what you are saying. It would also be good to meet in person at some point but as I said to Vera I dont think I am in position to make that trip this side of the year. My gambling has taken care of that.
Without going into great detail I think it is okay for me to open up a bit more about my past. For over 10 years I ran a very successful company. Millions were made. Houses in the UK and in Europe. All the benefits of a highly profitable start up. The company I formed back in 2001 was in the days when the Internet was the wild west. My initial investment of around $50 dollars snowballed quickly.
Life was incredible. Then I started to gamble. Over the years block by block it became worse. But I was earning and could ride the losses. No matter how high they were. When it came crashing down I had nothing. Everything was lost. My wife at that time immediately found a new partner and never looked back. All of this 3 years ago this month that the meltdown really kicked in.
I had my second restart earlier this year as you may know from reading an earlier post. That went wrong but not through gambling. So it is compounded loss after loss. And I sit here today a week and half from xmas. £7 on the side. Nothing in the bank but more importantly no one around me. Former friends avoid me. I am no longer worthy. The family is fractured for 1 reason or another. And it is bleak.
I do a self employed job I dislike but the money can be earned quickly. But it means nothing went it gets pisssed away in the online casinos. 1 step forward. 10 steps back. The lonliness felt is something that runs deep now. The last person I spoke to was my father before he left for Italy on Wednesday. And then I go an isolate myself further by gambling. It really is make of break. Today I will work again. I hope nighttime comes quickly as the street goes quiet below then. And lets see where I am a day from now.
Its gotta change. If I can overcome my addiction I know deep down I have a chance to rebuild. If I dont its game over in every sense.
JN.