HI Rupture
Taking a step forward, and then a step back is typical behaviour of those who love compulsive gamblers and who are trying to do the right thing whilst trying to cope with living with them day to day.
Hopefully every step adds to your experience and helps you see the cycle and more importantly your own reaction to it.
You are right that waiting for a slip is a way of protecting oneself but of course it can become self-defeating. While you are looking for the slip you are not relaxed and it possibly shows.
Ultimatums, unless they are carried through, will never work – they encourage the gambler to think they can get away with indulging their addiction because threats are seen as just hot air.
I suggest that while you don’t know where your present thinking is taking you, that you stand still until you do know. It is possible, that actually separating can act as a tool to shake the gambler into a wake-up call but this carries great risk. If your partner thinks that you don’t need to know everything then separating will not change his mind – it may prove to his distorted thinking that he was right not to trust you.
I am positive that posting will not jinx your situation – I believe it helps to clarify confusing thoughts, hopefully helping you to make the right decision for you and for your partner.
Hopefully you can pop in to another group
Velvet
