Hi P,
Sounds like you understand exactly whats going on with you. Seems like you’ve done some real reflection and see the rush and action for what they are… A way to escape the everyday stress and all the stress of a long life in a hard world. That release coupled with compulsiveness creates a monster. Throw a little money into the mix and you’ve got a dangerous concoction.
I don’t have any great advise about how to feel better besides all the stuff everyone writes on here. Exercise, yoga, diet, TM, breathing techniques, walks, etc.
You get it. No setter what… Just don’t gamble ever again. It adds up to disaster every time.
I like reading your posts. Keep up the good work and keep on staying strong. Things always get better with time.