Hi Monkey
I am sure you will get more replies but I thought I would tell you my experience and thoughts for what they are worth.
In my opinion, the simple statement of fact is the best way, with no unnecessary reasons or apologies – ‘I have a problem with gambling’. Then allow the man in your life a few moments to think of what you have said and hopefully ask his questions. I think it is important not to make it look as though you blame him in any way and I think it is very important that you let him know you are seeking help.
I don’t know whether your partner knows about the addiction to gamble – I didn’t so I struggled with the information having lived with my CG for 23 years. It took me 2 more years to begin to accept any such addiction existed but in that time my CG did not talk about recovery. When he showed me that he really wanted to live gamble-free by, in his case, going into rehab I was able to gain the knowledge I needed to cope, to understand as best I could but most importantly to support him (and me) in the right way.
Trust will be dented but in many, many cases that I know of, a problem had already been suspected. Trust can be rebuilt and fantastic relationships worked out as a result.
If the man in your life wants to understand how to support you and ask why has this happened etc., then our Helpline would be happy to ‘talk’ to him, as would I, in the Friends and Family section. Personally I firmly believe that the best way is for the non-CG who was a loved one on the site to come into an F&F group, rather than the forum, so that privacy and anonymity is maintained – it is what I did.
This is all obviously only ‘my’ opinion but the lie you are living must be hurting you. I hope your partner will listen and understand that you didn’t ask for or want your problem anymore than he does. Given knowledge F&F can give tremendous support in the right way but without that knowledge they blunder about and more often than not, do everything wrong for all the right reasons.
I hope you will post again soon and tell us more about yourself
I wish you well
Velvet
