Hi Momo
I am so sorry that you have had such a difficult time trying to get your brother to believe you. The addiction to gamble is divisive and depends on secrecy which makes it is almost impossible, in my opinion, for those who have not lived with it day in and day out, to understand what it is like to do so.
I hope you have better news regarding your old high school friend’s husband, you really need legal advice, which I cannot give.
It is so frustrating to talk to a wall – I hope that by avoiding confrontations with your husband you are feeling more in control of your life and less in the eye of the storm?
As long as your husband does not accept his addiction and consequent poor behaviour then he can convince himself that every day is a new day and nothing ever happened; sticking his head in the sand is the easiest way for him to avoid taking responsibility.
I lived with the addiction to gamble for 25 years Momo and for 23 of them I was unaware what the problem was. I believed that provided I kept showing love, then love would conquer all – it didn’t work. It is with knowledge that we eventually make the right decisions for ourselves and retake control of our lives. You are aware of what is hurting you and your children and you are able to do the right thing for you and for them – and from what I am reading you are already doing the right things.
I think that it is important to use a bad, past experience as a reference to help the future but it is equally important not to dwell in that past. Making something good out of something bad seems to me to be a kick in the teeth of addiction and that pleases me. I believe, it is often a mother’s lot to be ‘on duty’ but your children will have benefited from you being strong – and I do mean strong, not sober and unfun!
When you feel you are not part of the in-crowd, it is possibly time to look at the most important relationship of all – the one you have with yourself. I also think it is important to look at those who make you feel unloved and ask yourself if their opinion really matters – are they so much in control of their lives and happiness that you would like to be like them? – I think not.
Given time you will be able to release the fun-side of Momo that I am sure exists but has been squashed by circumstances.
I look forward to hearing from you – you are a unique and special person so believe in yourself.
Velvet
