Hi Mintchip
Your boyfriend says that nobody is helping him with his addiction when he is the one who has to help himself if he wants to live gamble-free – nobody else can save him. It is my belief that he knows that his family and friends don’t know how to help him because that suits him – while everybody else worries about what to do; he isn’t worrying at all but indulging his addiction at their expense.
His addiction is not unstoppable or I wouldn’t be writing to you now. If he truly wants to stop gambling then in my opinion, confiding in his gambling friends that he is having a problem would be a good place to start. ‘If’ they are real friends then they should recognise his problem and support him. Going to GA or perhaps seeking support from organisations, such as this, would also show a desire to be gamble-free. Our Helpline, CG groups and ‘My Journal’ forum are free and anonymous and are willing to support him, so the help he says he is lacking’ ‘is’ available – he only has to want it enough.
The cycle will continue Mintchip as long as you allow yourself to be part of it. It seems to me that you have given up seeing friends and going out because of a problem that is not yours. I believe you should look after yourself, see friends, go out to eat, go to the movies and live the life you deserve. If your boyfriend can see you living a happy life then, hopefully, he is more likely to want to join you than to sit at home, lonely, because he is not prepared to make an effort to curb his addiction.
I am not, nor ever would, suggest that you leave your boyfriend, that decision will always be yours – but once we allow ourselves to become part of the problem nothing ever changes. The addiction to gamble gets worse, never better without treatment and support. Your boyfriend is stealing now from his mother so he has already crossed at least one boundary and could well adopt this as a way of life until those around him say ‘no’. I sincerely hope that his mother is protecting her finances better and is refusing to give her son any cash.
Giving cash to a CG is the same as giving a drink to an alcoholic – it triggers the addiction in the brain and keeps it flourishing. Giving cash to a CG, paying off their debts, joining them in their pursuits is called enablement.
If he wants to stop Mintchip then suggest action to seek support, words are meaningless.
I hope you will keep posting
Velvet
