HI Michelle,
Glad I could help in anyway, another valuable lesson I learned in my recovery is not to care about what others think about me and my choices. I am the only person who can say what is right for me.
When we listen to others, and do what they say, we are going against what is right for us. The least of your concerns in what he thinks or says. He is full of the addiction, to know what he is really saying, the addiction will say things that strike at the heart. This is called emotional blackmail, trying to reel us in, so we will feel guilty. I also refer to it as a low blow.
10 years is a long time, I am sure a good chunk of your life. Don’t you think it is time you really move on? I still read a little attachment to him, with him being on your computer and reading his emails. If you feel the need to get something out of your system, write it done. There is no need to lash out at him, he will not really hear you and you will only get more frustrated for even trying. The addiction is not deserving of your heartfelt emotions or tears, it will only use it against you.
The relationship at this point should be civil for your daughter’s sake, but speaking or spending time with him otherwise should stop; there is no reason for it.
We are creatures of habit, so I can see why you still call him, but have you really tired meeting other friends to talk to? OR just go out for a walk, pick up a book, watch a movie, go outside with your daughter. There is a thousand things you can do to make your day a better one.
Yes, I am in contact with my father now, seeing him every few weeks. A few years back it was discovered that he has dementia. I firmly believe the years he gambled contributed to this in someway. I do believe you do end up losing your mind to gambling, of course this is my opinion, but I have found facts showing good reason for the connection.
Your daughter’s happiness is what mothers want for their child, and even though we want the fairytale family, it is not always possible. What’s more important than having a father in her life, is one where an addiction does not destroy her.
I wish, as I do with all cg, he acknowledges his addiction, gets the treatment he needs and sticks with it. It is possible, but it has to be his desire and not just yours or your daughter. In the meantime, work on your recovery so you may become stronger for not just you but your daughter.
All the best,
Twilight