Hi Michelle,
It’s good that you keep returning here for support, it is here where you will gain the tools to break through this addiction in your own time.
We all want there to be hope, we all want to hold on to the dream/prayer that our cg will stop gambling and be the person they were. It was a dream of mine for many many years and if my father had shown any true desire to face his addiction and seek recovery I would have been there. I would have supported him, there is no question about it.
I spent most of my life being his number one fan, many times looking the other way when he would tell me little lies and hold on to the idea that I was always going to be there for him, because I loved him.
But as the years past with his addiction getting stronger. I had to do something, though I believe if I could have postponed it I would. I did not want to take the tough love approach, but I was at the end of my rope just a few inches from being eaten by sharks (life). I had always given him the benefit of the doubt, which cost my immediate family emotional and financial distress . Everyone but I was seeing what was happening, his gambling was getting him in trouble and I had to finally face the music I dreaded to. I finally had to face him and his addiction. I was at a very depressing place in my life. Anxiety taunted me, taking any good thing in its grip to destroy.
Coming here to the site was a blessing, I learned about the addiction. I couldn’t figure how my father couldn’t just stop gambling. After reading and learning, I learned it was like a drug addiction, it really screwed around a person’s thinking. I got excited thinking I could work around his addiction, developing strategies. The biggest was separating the addiction from the person. I found joy being able to love and spend time with my father. If the addiction would ask for enablement I would say no and not feel bad about it. Knowing that it was the addiction that was trying me, however, my ending is not a happy one.
My father did not ever admit to having a gambling problem and without that admission, he never seemed treatment. However, in the mist of my recovery I was able to move on with my life, and I truly can say I am the happiest I have been in a long time. I thank God for the support here and for the strength I was able to build by the people here, especially Velvet, Jenny, Loob Loo and Jilly.
My advice is for you to live your life being the best mom you can be to your little girl. Don’t push a relationship with your ex, it will only bring more heartache. We don’t know the future, he may change, but it really shouldn’t be your concern. If he doesn’t it is his loss and just knowing that he has an older daughter he doesn’t speak to speaks volumes.
Take care,
Twilight