Hi Michael
nI am glad and relieved to know that you have at least one trusted family member that can support you at this difficult time. I hope you can share with this person the seriousness of what is happening and the importance of helping your partner the right way. Interventions can be very good provided everybody is saying the same thing.
nYour partner did not ask for, or want, the addiction to gamble. She may say that she likes gambling and doesnt want to stop but it is equally very possible that she doesnt like the woman she has become but doesnt know how to make her life any different The gambling addiction is like a roller-coaster that is so hard to get off once it is moving so fast.
nShe needs direction to the right support. It is good for her to know that she has support from those who love her because facing her addiction will not be easy. She will almost certainly have little or no self-esteem, self-confidence, or self-worth, she will almost certainly feel a failure.
nThe addiction to gamble destroys logic and reason, making it very difficult for a gambler to communicate, or understand that support is being offered. It is important for you to stay calm in an intervention with everybody in agreement about what is going to be said before you start..
nIt might be good to ask her to help you to understand what she feels and what she wants, so that you can do the right thing for her give her permission to talk without fear of judgement. Shouting and pleading will make no difference, it is better if she feels safe. Listening is often more important than talking.
nI am most concerned about her seemingly abusing your children and I am hoping that she is concerned about this too. If she feels everything is getting on top of her and the world is against her, she will get angrier and gambling will be her escape because it is the only coping mechanism she has at the moment she is in a cycle of addiction and needs help to stop but there is lots of help available.
nMaybe you could download the 20-Questions from the Gamblers Anonymous web site and leave them for her to read she may not realise she has a problem that is recognised and that there is help available for her. If you want to know about support in the area in which you live, maybe you could contact our helpline who will help you.
nI hope you can encourage your partner to speak but it is a long, hard road and misunderstandings are likely to be frequent. Patience is hard, I know. You sound like a man with strength and goodness and I wish you well. Your children have a wonderful role model in you.
nI hope you will keep posting Michael.
nVelvet
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