Hi Meg
‘Enough’ does happen but I couldn’t tell you when – it happens to CGs too and they can and do change their lives, if it wasn’t so I would be writing to you.
Nothing you have written surprises me; it is the behaviour of a person with an active gambling addiction. Maybe the reason you have not summoned the courage to leave is because in spite of everything you love him and there is no shame in that.
I will assume therefore that, for now, you want to stay and you want a change.
Does your husband accept that he has a gambling problem? Has he ever sought help?
Most CGs (compulsive gamblers) do not appreciate the strain they put on those who love them – in fact while they are deep in the addiction they do not care. In my opinion, therefore, it is good to tell a CG that you are seeking support for ‘you’. Many CGs object to their loved ones seeking help because the addiction to gamble, being secretive and divisive and depending on enablement, doesn’t want those around them to have a knowledge that will deplete it’s power. Anything that depletes the power of the addiction, however, is good and right for you.
I do believe that it is important to point CGs in the direction of help and to that end I often suggest printing off the Gamblers Anonymous (GA) 20 questions which you can get on your search engine and leave them around for your husband to see – I say ‘leave them around’ because handing them to him would probably result in another fruitless argument which helps nobody.
Because I am not sure whether your husband is in denial of his addiction or not I will leave this first post for now. Please post again soon – the second post is always easier than the first – well done for starting your thread.
Velv et
