Hi Mb
When a CG really asks for help there is always hope. Unfortunately if she is only asking because she has got herself into an awful mess and thinks that off-loading it on to you is the only answer then she is not truly accepting her problem.
Well done in not attacking – it is so easy to lose control when you are confronted as you have been but you did well.
Taking over her finances is good and talking as a team is great but she needs more support. As her daughter you have your own life to lead and it is important that your mother’s addiction doesn’t hurt your life. Looking after you is vital for both of you.
Is your mother’s best friend the one to whom she owes $800.
I think you deserve a lot of ‘on the ground’ support and Worriedmama is right – Gam-Anon could offer that support. It is the sister group of GA and it is for the friends and Family who are affected by gambling. I think it would be great if your mother returned to her group too and this time doesn’t stop using the support because she thinks she is either controlling her addiction or fooling herself that she is cured.
A CG (compulsive gambler) cannot be cured but they can live wonderful lives in control of their addiction. It is tough to know that they can never place a bet again and many feel a void without it but I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know it can be done. Your mother would do well to find things to fill the void such as new hobbies, or interests that she used to enjoy, seeing friends and enjoying you as her daughter and not her carer.
Sadly the threat of suicide is common and the one thing that those who love CGs fear the most. It is a call from the depths of misery but your mother can save herself and bring herself out of this mess.
I cannot tell you what to do I hope you will not clear her gambling debts or give her cash – your mother has to take responsibility for her actions and clearing her own debts is one of the ways to do this.
Keep posting, your mother is lucky to have you looking out for her.
Velvet
