Hi Maverick
Maybe writing on this forum is addictive but like so many other things in your life you can only deal with one at a time and hopefully this is one thing you are doing that will gradually lessen but for as long as you want support stick with GT, it will not hurt you, your life or the lives of those around you.
It isn’t easy, I think, to say out loud ‘I am Maverick and I am a compulsive gambler’ but just saying it is still, in my opinion, easier than accepting it. Last night you did not believe it and your addiction had a free-for-all.
In my view, after 7 hours indulging your addiction you were far from even. The session would have stoked the fire in your gamble-brain, your behaviour would have been affected and that means that those around you would be affected.
Those who love CGs usually talk about loss of money first – but it is never that loss that hurts the most. It is the loss of self-esteem and confidence that a loved-one feels because the addiction is more important than a relationship.
‘giving all my money and cards to my wife, if she wants’, is a step in the right direction but I suggest you ask her to do it because it is what ‘you’ want. Talk to her about your desire to change and ask her to support you but tell her how you want that support. Those who love CGs do not understand the addiction and don’t know what to do to help, with the result that they spend years (25 in my case) doing all the wrong things for all the right reasons.
I assume your wife knows you are going on the GMA programme but she will almost certainly not understand fully what it entails and she will be afraid of false hope. Would you consider telling her about the Friends and Family group on Tuesday evenings. Nothing said in the group appears on the forum and I can promise you that everything that is said in the group is said with care and understanding.
I have, in my opinion, the undoubted privilege of seeing the before, during and after of the addiction that you own. I use the experience of living with the addiction for reference only but I can talk happily about the ‘after’. It means that I ‘know’ the addiction can be controlled and that it takes courage and determination to do so but most importantly, I believe, it is a lot better for a CG to have good support when facing the unknown.
I hope some of this helps
Velvet
