I am new ‘again’ to recovery from compulsive gambling and I understand your question of ‘why’. I think it’s an insidious addiction and we have to see it and treat it as such. We ourselves are not stupid or failures etc. , not at all. But, I have to be responsible to at least take measures to block myself asap not to ‘begin’ because once I start gambling I don’t have brakes. Bless you. Things will get better for all of us, life does not magically change when we stop and for me sometimes it seems harder… but a coping behavior that ‘ruins me’ is not coping at all. Free
