Hi Mark,
I know where you are coming from. At the moment my emotions are all over the place. I relapsed over the weekend and almost lost all my money. However I did lose more trust, self-respect, more time I should be working. I still want to gamble, but I don’t. I went to GA tonight – today is day 1 again for me. You can do it. I too have been beating myself up for so long I punish myself by gambling so I can feel more self pity. I think that’s why I gambled, because I hate myself. I need to change that.
I am done with this, it is not normal. This is a very insane way to live a life. I have to stop before I lose EVERYTHING.
You can do it, as I know I can do it. But it is one day at a time. Have a read of Fritz and Charlsters posts – they are awe inspiring, amazing, honest and they will speak to you as they spoke to me. They have cracked something, they have found the inner light. You can too.
Feel free to write me at any time, we are in the same boat. Up shit creek and without a paddle, but between us we ban build a paddle, one day at a time and start sailing towards the clean water, away from the sewer.
Good luck, my prayers are with you.