Hi Mark ,
The loss of a child is a terrible thing to deal with and something a person truly never completely gets over . You seem to have gotten yourself into a l y of bother with gambling – however , at 48 you are young enough to turn it around and still build a good future .
There at many online groups here you can use – there is chat all day at gamblers anonymous online and Gamtalk.
Perhaps you could think about cutting off access to gambling to see how you feel without it hanging over you all the time.
Keep posting Mark- many people on here have turned their lives around and you can too .