Hi Mal
It probably isn’t that you are too soft; I would imagine you are kind and maybe a little naive about how to handle the situation you found yourself in, which is understandable.
You say you split about 12 years ago but obviously you got back together again and I wondered why. Did your partner accept she has a serious problem? Did she seek support? Did she change? Did ‘you’ do something different? Under what conditions did you resume your relationship?
I see that you have been following the forum for some time so I think you have probably come across the fact that threatening someone with an addiction and then not carrying it through 100%, will give their addiction the green light to carry on because a CG will probably c o u n t on nothing changing, which is, after all, just another gamble.
I cannot tell you what to do because a large part of healing comes from individuals making their own decision on their own lives, preferable having gained knowledge and understanding – which you are doing.
However, I am glad that you have removed your partner from your a c c o u n t and I would recommend that you keep a closer eye on it and all your possessions because an active CGs, looking for funds, can often find money in ways that non-CGs would consider impossible.
Your partner cannot trust herself, so I don’t understand why it hurts you to know you cannot trust her – this addiction will not go away without treatment and her addiction is not the fault of either of you.
I would imagine that unless your partner gets treatment and good support it will become even more difficult for you to care for her but only you can answer the question of whether or not it is worth your while loving her.
I see nothing wrong with being sensitive. Even though I experienced living with the addiction to gamble for far too many years I know I always was and always will be sensitive. Saving myself didn’t make me hard but it did give back control of my own life – I was no longer the puppet of someone else’s addiction.
I too can see that whichever course you take now there will be more pain but you are aware of what is causing that pain and you can make an informed choice.
Keep posting and maybe tell you partner about this site and/or GA.
I wish you well
Velvet
