Hi M. I have been away from the blogs for a bit but came back today as I had kept promising to pop back and say hello. I noticed that my last post was on your blog, so that popped up.
Someone much wise than me once told me that when you have an ok day and don’t gamble it’s a good day; when you have a shit day and don’t gamble it’s a GREAT day.
You appear to be very tuned in to your triggers and emotions that might make you gamble. It must be hard with a partner who doesn’t seem to care and is wrapped up in their own world/ addiction. I still feel massive shame when I think back to how I treated my soon to be ex-wife/ mother of my child. She’s at the top of my lit of people I have harmed and every time we meet I try to act in a way that will make amends. I am not doing well at that.
You sound like you are doing amazing, knowing how sneaky this addiction is. Well done. You are in my thoughts and I wish you the strength to make the right desiions despite the difficulties. Jane wrote something amazing:
“stopping gambling is really the start of the journey, LIFE is what happens when recovery is well underway. ”
This is where I am. Today is day 97 without a bet but I feel I have very little or no recovery in me. But I cannot do anything about that, except live my life one day at a time and promise myself at the start of every day that just for today I will not gamble.
All my love
M