One of the worst things for me was the ability of this addiction to make us over think, perfectly natural under the circumstances given the knowledge and pain that we know can arise through being caught up in an episode.
We start to work as hard as the CG does in plotting and planning their gambling. We try to plan for every eventuality, feeling the need to try and counter or avoid every episode and it’s impact – we work as hard but in a different way. Our life is consumed by the impact of the addiction.
Possibly most of the scenarios you envisage may not happen but in all this brain activity you can become totally burnt out and exhausted – the situation will not change because you have worn yourself out over thinking it.
The only persons actions that you can change are yours and no amount of thinking about his possible will change them – what will be will be.
It is only when we look at how we are dealing with something and see what we can change about ourselves that change is possible – it starts from within.
You cannot make his choices but you can control your own and your own thoughts, how much time you spend worrying about what he may do next is down to you, how much time you spend doing something nice and more constructive is down to you etc
Don’t worry about how you communicate or what he makes out of it you can’t be responsible for the way it is interpreted or the subsequent choices he makes, there’s no point worrying yourself to bits over whether you have got it right or not – so what if you haven’t ! you are a human being, we make mistakes
For what it’s worth M you are being way too hard on yourself, give yourself a break now and again,
Jenny