You’ve had a tough, tough life and with the right help better times will lie ahead. You are right of course, you do have to be ready and willing to receive help.
Have you thought about going to a Gamblers Anonymous meeting? They are nationwide and you can look them up on the internet, they will be able to offer you face to face help and guidance.
I’m sure other ideas will be posted on your thread by other members of this site. I hope you find the help you need.
Take care,
Charlster.