I’m relatively new on here and don’t think we’ve interacted before.
I don’t think there has been a single post that I’ve read on here where I haven’t said to myself, I’ve felt like that, I’ve been through that, I know exactly how he/she is feeling etc, etc. Reading your post about feeling so alone hit home to me especially. I’ve felt alone for years, even when I’ve been in relationships!
It’s a tough one because we are all wrapped up in our own struggles and attempts to fight off our own demons that we can easily get waylaid and become self-centred. It’s not that no one cares, in fact I am 100% certain that the opposite is true. At times of lapses, re-lapses, depression, mood swings, we tend to amplify everything that is not so good in our lives. We convince ourselves that no one cares about us and that everyone has neglected us and so on. I’ve done it thousands of times and I’m still doing it.
What I’ve come to realise is that it’s not that no one cares, it’s the fact that we sometimes become so insular that we actually inadvertently cut ourselves off from getting support and help. We expect everyone to read between the lines and understand exactly what we’re going through all of the time.
I don’t know you, but it could be that if you’re anything like me, perhaps you need to sometimes ask for that support and ask for the help that you need. Sometimes people can’t see the sadness beyond the false smiles and if you tell people you’re doing good when you’re actually struggling, well that is disastrous.
I’m speaking from my own experiences here and I’m only saying all of this because it could be that next time you go to the GA meeting you need to open up with someone there and ask for that support, it’s better than suffering in silence. I’m a master at suffering in silence and I’m trying to practice what I preach at this very moment in time. I’m trying to change the habit of a life time and be more open.
It’s made me a very bitter person at times, because I’ve expected everyone to see the sadness behind my eyes, the struggles behind my false façade and because they haven’t, I’ve convinced myself that no one cares. I’ve then consequently shut them out and become even more withdrawn and depressed.
It’s tough Lorraine, but we do care and I’m sure everyone at the GA meeting you attended cares. Next time offer your number, don’t wait to be asked and have a chat with that lady that was supposed to call you. It could be that she has so much on her plate herself, that she genuinely forgot.
Take care and I am sure I can speak for every single person on here when I say that we all care deeply for you and your struggles.
Charlster.