Hi Liz
Well done writing your first post, I would imagine it was difficult to write but I agree with you that venting to actual people, especially ones who understand what you are saying, is often a relief.
You are not any sort of fool, typical or otherwise. You suddenly found the addiction to gamble in your life and you had no way of knowing what the hell had hit you, or what to do about it. You are far from dumb, you have sought support and I hope I can help you never to feel stupid again about the situation you have found yourself in through no fault of you own.
Don’t bang your head against a wall wondering whether or not he meant it when he said kind, loving words. A person can indeed say terrible and wonderful things when the addiction to gamble scrambles their thinking – I prefer to think that the terrible words are not meant and the wonderful words are meant because the truth is unknown and there is no point losing sleep over something that may or may not be true. I believed that the CG in my life could not possibly love me but when he turned his life around and took control of his crippling addiction, I discovered the opposite was true.
All the energy expended in trying to make sense of a senseless addiction does not make any difference to the outcome, so please just take of yourself and your children. I do not have a crystal ball, so I cannot say whether your actions will make him accountable any quicker or not; I do know that he can control his addiction or I wouldn’t be writing to you but it takes courage and determination to do so and at the moment, it appears, your husband has not shown himself to be ready to take that leap.
You say that you still care about your husband but I wonder if you think you have fallen out of love with him – I know it happens and I also know that it is understandable.
I hope you will keep posting, I know that the early days of such momentous decisions are painful and filled with conflicting emotions. I do admire you making a stand because whatever comes of it, you have determined ‘your’ life and your children will need you to be in control while their father is not. You made a brave decision and nobody should judge you on that.
Speak soon
Velvet
