Hi Liz,
Thought I’d stop by to offer some support. I am sorry to hear about your friend’s reaction to you opening up to them about your problem. In my opinion, their answer was very immature. It falls along the same lines as someone looking at a homeless person and saying “they should just get a job”. They don’t know what their past was like, or their current situation. Everyone is fighting their own battles, and although your friend may not have an addiction, they should be able to show a little sympathy towards you. Just my 2 cents.
Anyways, I believe in you. I believe in all of us. Getting over an addiction means creating a lifestyle change. I’ve never really had goals or values before, but I added a couple values:
– Never act on anything out of impulse (except survival situations)
– Be true to yourself
I do not fight urges. I understand that urges are part of the recovery process. The more you do not give into them, the easier it gets. Whenever I get an urge, I put it front and center, “Oh hey, I am having an urge to gamble. Let’s role play this really quick and see what will happen”. I then realize that whatever money I wager, I will lose. Doesn’t matter if I win, I will give it back because the system is designed that way. I then bring up one of my goals: owning a house. I tell myself, “I know that whatever money I risk, I will lose. That will put me further away from my goals. Acting on this urge will also violate my value of being true to myself. I am not going to be in secrecy anymore.” By the time I run through all of this slowly, the urge fades quickly. Just some tips I have used that have shown success. You can do this, I believe in you. Make some goals and create some values. What kind of person do you want to be? Then, talk things out. Be aware of your thoughts. You can create a new life for yourself, it just takes a little bit of planning and some work, but you can do it. Take care
–Nick