Hi Lala
I cannot ‘know’ what your mom and sister mean when they tell you not to talk to others about your concerns but what I can tell you is that a family will often keep the addiction secret due to a feeling of shame. This belief is, in my view, completely mistaken because there is no reason for shame – the addiction is not your family’s fault and that includes you father.
I know that when I lived with the addiction and kept its secret for years I assisted it which allowed it to flourish – I protected it and I was wrong.
I believe that the relationship between you and your boyfriend is important for you and I fail to see the reasoning behind telling you not to talk to him in case he uses it against you.
In all families faced with this dilemma Lala, each member deals with their own pain and divisions can, and sadly do, occur – different people have different levels of understanding, each seeing the problem as to how it affects them and their relationship with the CG. I think you have summed up the differences between you and your sister well – she is reluctant to find out because she doesn’t want to face what you are telling her and yet she feels able to tell you what to do. I think it is important, however, that you keep your good relationship with your sister so maybe it is best not to try and force her to accept truths she doesn’t want to see – none of us can save other people, we can only save ourselves. I have brought my thread entitled ‘Siblings’ up for you which I hope will help you.
I believe that the more you know the better you will cope because if your father is a CG (and he certainly appears to be) then putting your head in the sand and hoping it will go away is unrealistic.
How much does your mom know and how is her health? If your father is gambling all their joint savings then I would have thought she deserves to know so that she can try and protect herself before he has squandered everything.
Keep posting Lala, I hope it helps you to write your thoughts and worries – I often recommend keeping a journal when living with this addiction and this thread will act as that journal. One day, hopefully, you will look back and see how far you have come because your recovery matters here.
V
