Hi Kitkat
CGs (compulsive gamblers) really can change their lives and live gamble-free – if it wasn’t so I wouldn’t be here writing to you. However nobody including the CG and those who love them can ever know for sure when a genuine recovery starts and all recoveries, in my opinion, will cause those who know about the addiction to have some doubts. Following your bf’s lengthy manipulations, lies and deceit it would unwise for you to trust that this show of recovery is 100% real BUT it could be. What makes you think your bf is only ‘going through the motions by attending GA? Has he attended in the past or sought other support before?
Is the situation with your parents such that you cannot stay with them for any length of time? Are your parents supportive ? It would be quite normal for your parents to want you to end this relationship but in this forum you will never have it suggested that you stay or leave; because it is important that all decision come from you and I believe that it will be easier for you to make those decisions when you have more knowledge of your bf’s addiction.
Sometimes it is good to make the most of time apart as it gives you time to think and to work out what it is that you really want. Your self-esteem and confidence will undoubtedly have taken a few knocks during this experience and it can be easy to forget about yourself in the middle of the confusion – but you are important and although you cannot save your bf you can save yourself which ultimately is the best thing for both of you.
At the moment you are probably seeing everything your bf has ever done through a fog of misery and confusion but I think it is worth noting that your bf would have gambled just as you did at the beginning – for fun and he couldn’t have known that addiction was to be his lot; sadly by the time he possibly realised he had a problem it would have been too late for him to sort himself out without support. He has an addition that he neither wanted nor asked for.
His poor behaviour is the consequence of his addiction. To change his life he has to accept he has an addiction which hopefully he will be doing in GA. I suggest you watch his behaviour following his meetings and see if he is lighter in spirit; perhaps you could listen to what he has to say and then hopefully with the knowledge you can get here you will maybe begin to see what is good and what is not.
I will leave this post here Kitkat and wait to hear from you again. You have done fantastically writing your first post which is always the hardest, you are welcome to vent as much as you like and you can rest assured that everything you say is understood. In the meantime please look after ‘you’, see friends, enjoy hobbies, collect your thoughts and each day try to ensure that you spend some time when you refuse to think about gambling.
I have an F&F group on Tuesday between 20.00-2100 hours UK time and it would be great to meet you and communicate in real time – but please keep posting too as your input will be read by many others and none of us can know how much our shared experiences can help.
Speak soon
Velvet
