Hi Kat
It would be great to say to you -yes, I believe your husband has got it but sadly, to date, I do not own a crystal ball.
It takes time to know if a recovery is a true one or not. I waited, just like you, for my life to implode when the CG in my life changed his life over 13 years ago, (after 25 years of active gambling). . His success means that I can say to you that the addiction to gamble can be controlled and wonderful lives played out as a result.
I think the biggest signal for hope, for you, is when your husband’s behaviour changes and only you can know when that is. Is he available when you phone him, is he more attentive to your needs, does he lie about the simplest things? In other words, – what is he doing that is different this time?
Does you husband tell you what happens at his meetings, have you ever attended a GA meeting? I was amazed when I eventually plucked up the courage to go into a GA meeting – I heard so many other people expressing the same concerns, fears, failures, as my CG – I felt less alone. I also attended Gam-Anon which gave me my sanity back and helped me to move on with my life.
Many gamblers do not talk about their meetings or their struggle to control their addiction for fear that they may fail – but your husband telling you how he feels is not as important as the actual changes in his behaviour.
I walked the extra mile a long time ago – I had so many doubts and fears but I watched and I waited – so I know how hard this is. If your husband has turned the corner then it is great if you can support him. He should know how hard it is for you but I doubt that he will – his focus will be on his recovery. In my opinion, trust takes a long to time to rebuild and should not be hurried. There will probably be a few doubts along the way. I remember telling my CG after a very long time that I forgave him – he said that he would never have asked me for forgiveness but for me the time eventually felt right.
When and if doubts arise, I suggest that you ask your husband to talk to his sponsor about ‘your’ concerns – his sponsor should be able to help him realise that occasional doubts are to be expected. I asked my CG to help me to get things right – this worked well for us in that it showed my willingness to learn and more importantly, I think, to listen. Keeping communication open is so important.
Keep posting, I would love to hear how you are doing.
I will leave you with one of my favourite quotes :- You may never know what results come from your actions but if you do nothing, there will be no results – Mahatma Gandhi
I wish you, your children and your husband all the joy that can come when the addiction to gamble is defeated.
Velvet