Hi Kary
I appreciate that you feel you are the only person who knows that your father is gambling but in my opinion the chances are that your mother and possibly your sister are aware too. Compulsive gambling is a divisive addiction that thrives on secrecy which often results in families believing that each member feels they alone in knowing or guessing what is going on.
If your father has stolen from his wife and your sister then I would imagine they know there is a problem. The friend who called your mother demanding money is probably aware of how his money disappeared and I would imagine your mother was very distressed by the call.
Compulsive gamblers are not always aware that it is their behaviour that leads those around them to question what is going on – it isn’t so much the loss of money but the lies and deceit that hurt those who love them the most – the trail of misery and confusion mounts up until somebody calls a halt.
Whether I am right, or not, though Kary, this is not a burden for you to shoulder alone.
You have done fantastically starting a thread here, your post is clear and understandable but Worriedmama is right, it is important that you talk to your mother because if, like you, she thinks she is the only one who knows she will be struggling to cope herself.
Compulsive gamblers depend on enablement. The addiction to gamble is not about money, it is all about the gamble itself. I have brought up my thread ‘The F&F Cycle’ for you which I hope will help you understand.
There is a Friends and Family group on Tuesday 20.00-21.00 hours UK when we communicate in real time – you and your mother will be very welcome.
Whether you join that group or not though please post again. You are being listened to and understood.
Velvet
