I read your post and was touched by its deep honesty. I like reading your posts. I think you are a very bright guy and I am really sorry to hear the job didn’t work out. My last contract didn’t work out either. It is a blow, but it happens sometimes when you are a contractor. What happened, if you are Ok to talk about it? No worries if you don’t. i agree with you when you say how do you quantify another persons suffering through this addiction? My view, for what it’s worth, is Vera talks about the trap doors and how far you can fall with this addiction. I have fallen a long way to my personal rock bottom where some serious health issues have emerged as a result of the financial stress this addiction has caused. I think geordie hit the bottom trap door and talks from experience of the worst that this addiction can bring. It isn’t a competition though and as I said no one can say anyone’s suffering is worse. Like you in five and a half years, I know that I cannot take another relapse and never want to gamble again. What makes it different this time? I have suffered enough and cannot bear that I have done this to myself. Like you I never want to make another bet as a service to myself for whatever time is left in this life. I personally have found GA and a sponsor to be the only thing that has helped me, and I tried many things along the way which didn’t help at all. The 12 steps are quite painful to do, which is why some people avoid it for some time or do not do them at all. The pain within that caused us to gamble and for me the existential grief needs to be released. Not that I like it that much. This addiction takes so much of ourselves away from us, yet there are many deep spaces within us that hold a large degree of pain, that triggered gambling, that we tight maybe we had dealt with but hadn’t really. I am it advocating or saying this is the case for you. I am just saying that it is my experience and different people find other things more helpful. I hope you get another job soon Jonny.
