Hi Jolene
Just as your son has done, mine disappeared declaring that he ‘knew what he was doing’. At that time he had an active addiction to gamble which drastically altered his personal perception.
My son still has an addiction to gamble because sadly there is no cure but what he did and hopefully what your son will do, sooner rather than later, was to learn to control his addiction, allowing him to live a wonderful life, happily and healthily in control of his gambling demon.
My son had to try and prove he knew what he was doing Jolene; he believed in his addiction, even declaring that he didn’t want to stop gambling because he enjoyed it. The truth was that he didn’t like who he was, he wasn’t happy and he didn’t know why. His addicted brain was telling him that he was not responsible for his miserable situation; it was the rest of the world, who didn’t understand him. Nothing I said or did changed that belief.
My son did lose everything and even then he strove to make me believe that he didn’t gamble. During a particularly stressful phone call, in which he told me that he was ok and not gambling but needed a roof over his head for a night or two, I told him where support was to be found. Unknown to me my words made a difference and he hit rock bottom; there was a chain reaction where his addiction nearly got the upper hand but two weeks later he entered rehab and a new life. He had been actively gambling for 25 years – 23 of which he had made sure that I had no idea what was driving him with the result I unwittingly enabled him.
I kept my son’s addiction alive Jolene but you and your husband are aware of what is controlling your son and you can react accordingly. It is really important in my opinion that parents stand together. The addiction is divisive and it will pull you apart if you allow it.
Your son is ‘following his dream’ and listening to an addiction that he believes will make him happy and successful but it will not. The best thing you can do for him is to look after yourselves and enjoy your lives to the best of your ability.
I hope you can reassure your husband by telling him that his son’s addiction has nothing to do with him, that he didn’t cause it.
As Cathy says, draw back from the situation – and stay healthy. It is so hard to realise that you cannot save your child but the saving grace is that he can help himself and there is hope – buckets of hope – something I didn’t know. I survived Jolene and I know you can too because I know that your son can control his addiction and live the life you would wish for him.
Keep posting
Velvet