How wonderful you have booked that ticket, well done.. a lot of us here have gotten to the point you are at John.. this addiction wants to kill us it is its ultimate destination.. get as much help as you can now to arrest it.. to put it in its place.. really take as much support as you can.. somehow get to GA meetings, counselling, keep coming here, but please try to get other help too.. can you see a doctor and talk about this situation also.. there maybe other sources of help where you are that you arent using and reading your last few posts, try to get all the help you can.. also maybe watch the alcohol while you feel like this.. do you like movies? Maybe you could go to the movies it kills a few hours, its like an escape, its harmless. its enjoyable.. lose yourself in other things in this world that are enjoyable, the little things, a nice meal.. a hobby anything else that you can get yourself interested in. There is lots out there..
P