Hi Jenny
The amounts of money your boyfriend has lost and the way he has chases his loses tells me that, what appears to be slip, is not fine and never will be.
His belief that he doesn’t need help is a cry we hear all the time from problem gamblers who are not ready to admit their problem but who are in danger of losing everything due to them sailing close to owning an addiction that is about failure and loss of self-esteem.
His lies are common and spring from the belief that he does not have a serious problem and he wants to deflect you from thinking that he has. However, you have recognised a cycle of behaviour and I am glad that you have posted because knowledge of that cycle will give you power over his possible addiction and hopefully help you support him.
Anger is always understandable but does nothing towards making an active problem gambler stop gambling – it merely enforces the thought that you don’t understand and therefore your opinion is invalid.
There can be no guarantee that your boyfriend is not into a full relapse as a result of his visit to the casino because the addictive part of his brain will have been triggered. Compulsive gambling is not about money it is only the actual gamble that matters and it is that gamble which leads to the unacceptable behaviour. The gamble triggers the addiction in the brain and it gets worse, never better, if left untreated.
You have written that part of you thinks you should end the relationship so my question would be – do you love him? Loving a compulsive gambler, (if his problem escalates) is, is not easy and supporting a CG (compulsive gambler) can destroy your confidence and self-esteem too, if you allow it, however, I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled. I would never tell you to stay or to leave but this site will give you information so that you can make an informed decision that is right for you and hopefully right for your boyfriend.
The decision to stay is very much in your hands but please keep posting, there is a lot of support for you here and for your boyfriend too if he wants it.
Velvet
