Hi Jansdad
I cannot tell you what to do but I can tell you is what it is like to hear that a CG loved one has gambled.
When I was eventually told it was hell on earth BUT with understanding and support from those who understood ‘my’ position I learned to cope. My CG could not give me that understanding anymore than I could understand him at that time.
It is my belief that many CGs labour under the misapprehension that they have kept their secret safe. I didn’t know it was a gambling addiction that was damaging my relationship but I did know that my CG was one of the unhappiest people I knew – and that hurt me.
It was in Gamanon that I found my salvation. It learned that although I couldn’t save him I could make a difference to me and ultimately to him. It was seeing the effort he made to overcome his addiction that made all the difference to both of us.
You are trying to change your life and I can hear that in your posts – I believe the more support you get the greater your hope of success will be. On this site we have the Friends and Family forum and I also facilitate the Friends and Family group. If you do brave the storm, which I think you will agree would be an understandable reaction on your wife’s part, maybe you could ask her to come on our forum or go into the closed F&F group where I would be delighted to welcome and support her.
Your post implies that your wife knows you have a problem and has stood by you before and maybe this is why you feel she would not do it again but it is my belief that those of us who love CGs cope better knowing the full truth about the addiction rather than hearing explanations from our loved ones that we cannot comprehend.
I know that you neither asked for your addiction nor wanted it, nor deserved it but does your wife know that? F&F take the pain that the addiction inflicts on them personally – they think they have failed. I know it is not personal, I know I did not fail and that knowledge has helped me.
In my opinion, it is essential that the CG is supported in changing their life but the non-CG cannot know this unless they are in the picture. My CG has changed his life so I know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled but I also know that there is no cure. I therefore live with knowledge of the addiction but it doesn’t dictate my happiness anymore.
Whatever you decide to do I hope you will keep posting. Forget a tap on the shoulder, I am thumping you on yours – a wonderful gamble-free life awaits you if you grab it with both hands and don’t let go.
I wish you well
Velvet