Hi Jac,
I feel bad to read about your suffering. I want to inspire you and offer you words that will make it all better. But I have learned many lessons in life… One being that actions speak louder than words. It’s time to take action. You write time and time again that you can’t try. I get that you hate yourself. I get that you’re depressed. I get that the anxiety is horrible. That is crappy. But YOU are the only person that can change it. Nothing amazing was build or happens in a day and if it does than it won’t be respected or appreciated. It takes a plan, then takes a bunch of specialists at the right time to build it starting with the foundation. Done correctly with a plan, baby steps, and execution with the right team in place can be accomplished. Amazing things can be built. Is life hard and crumby some times. Sure. But if all us just gave up like you are then what would be the point? part of the journey of life is falling down. That doesn’t mean we have to surrender to the negative and accept failure and weakness and set the bar low. How about try to just do a few simple things for me please… Breathe in and out ten times. Breathe in and ***** to 8 while breathing in. Hold the breath for a 4 *****. Then exhale *****ing to 10 when hitting 10 you should have finished. Then repeat 10 times. When you are done think of 5 things that you’re grateful for. Then get up and take a 20 minute walk preferably through nature. Come home and drink 2 glasses of water. While on the walk stop and do 10 pushups. Repeat 4 times on the walk those 10 pushups. Then do whatever you want. But do that for me and for your self.
Jon