Hi Irish, welcome to the site. You are no different than most of us on here.once gambling changes from being a hobby to compulsion, we all get our fix when we can and obsess about it the rest of the time! Well done in starting a thread . I think you will also find the support groups useful. Suicide will have crossed many of our minds, and also the idea of packing up and going. It is so hard to stop but as you know it can be done !
I have stopped I think almost two months and the changes in my life have been amazing. You will know this of course as you have stopped before for eight years.
You are recognising you hAve a problem and you will stop. Use all the support you can get.
I look forward to your next post