Hi Hello
Well done starting what must be a difficult thread for you – rest assured, the first post is the hardest. I hope you will soon feel a lot clearer about the course of action that is right for you.
Worriedmama has mentioned the F&F Cycle so I have brought it up beside this post for you.
The addiction to gamble thrives on secrecy and is divisive. CGs ( compulsive gamblers) often want their addiction kept secret to that they can get enablement from other unwitting sources; it is possible, therefore, that your mother’s partner is aware that your mother is actively gambling and is keeping her secret from you. It is possible that he will have observed her poor behaviour, as you have – it is this which upsets F&F more than any loss of money.
However, whether her partner knows, or not, the secret you are keeping must be weighing heavily upon you and you don’t deserve it. Your mother can’t trust herself so there is no reason for you to feel you have to try and trust her, in fact to do so would be very unwise for your sake and hers.
I cannot tell you what to do because all decisions must be yours. I suggest you keep posting and gaining knowledge about your mother’s addiction so that you can make informed decisions about what you are going to do. If it was me I would tell her that I had sought help and as a result I would not enable her addiction ever again. She may appear to accept what you say and possibly make more promises to stop gambling but as her addiction is neither logical nor rational her good intentions will fly immediately out of the window unless she seeks the right support.
The good news is that there is lots of support for your mother. I know you want to save her but the simple truth is you cannot – only she can do that – the best help you can give her is not to enable her addiction by giving her money or clearing her debts because giving money to a CG is the same as giving a drink to an alcoholic. I believe one of the greatest supports F&F can give their CG loved one is to show them where good support is to be found. GA (Gamblers Anonymous) is an amazing organisation from where she would get the support she needs. We have CG only groups on this site and a one-to-one Helpline where she can talk privately. There are also fantastic rehabs.
I have an F&F group tomorrow evening 20.00-21.00 hours UK time where you would be very welcome and where we can communicate in real time – nothing said in the group appears on the forum.
There is a lot more to be said Hello but I will leave it there because I remember how hard it was to take all the information in at the beginning of my own journey.
Please write as much or as little as you wish – you will always be heard and understood.
Velvet
