Hi gvralls,
Like you I am in love with a compulsive gambler and he was very honest about this from the start when I met him 17 years ago. He tried to protect me from his addiction he explained to me that he ruined people who came into contact with he was bad news. we had a brief holiday romance (10 months) during which he kept me safe although many of our activities did revolve around gambling (which I never took part in). We remained friends and some years later he turned up on my doorstep wanting to quit, I supported him with this and helped him get residential treatment. Unfortunately he couldn’t at the time fully shake the addiction so we went our separate ways once more. Roll on another 7 years and we are back together, he is in recovery and we live separately but have a great relationship.
During all of these experiences it has only been the gambling that put a dampener on our relationship. Although it did affect his moods he has always tried to protect me from its fall out though, I believe that is because somewhere deep down he truly loved me even then (as much as a CG can). This has not been the case in all his relationships however and unfortunately the drive to gamble is number one 99% of the time and people do get taken advantage of.
Given your partners history, the fact you have children and your obviously superior financial position coupled with the fact she shows no desire to stop I would be VERY wary of this especially as she has already ruined at least one man.
Aside from all that you said:
‘Nguyen does, however, take take take and she thinks of herself first. I noticed that early on, and I see other commenters mentioning the same thing. The CG ruins the lives of those around him/her, then hits rock bottom only to focus all conversation around their problems not what they’ve caused others to suffer. It’s a dastardly addiction.’
Ask yourself why you would want to have a relationship with a woman who thinks only of herself? Even if she agreed to quit today it would be a long road, mine was 17 years. Someone who is starting treatment will not be the fun person you describe, it is hard work, there are lots of ups and downs, there are triggers to be avoided, lies to deal with, the relationship needs to be rock solid to survive.
I am lucky to have the man I feel in love with now ‘clean’ and emotionally in a good and giving place but there are a lot of restrictions that come with that too, protecting my money, being mindful and understanding and always keeping communication open. The relationship with a CG even in recovery has to be exceptional from both sides, they have to want to change for them, they have to be prepared to work on themselves and change and so do you.
Personally, I would take the great holiday and the great memories you have of the experience and back away. If there is more there perhaps like with me things will change in the future but of course it is up to you.
Lily x