Hi Gem
I still cannot hear a fool in your post; you wanted to believe your husband which surely is what every wife hopes to be able to do?
When your husband attends GA or groups on line maybe you could suggest he asks the others what they think of you taking over the finances. CGs who are living gamble-free will hopefully tell him that you are supporting him in the best way possible, that you are not treating him as a child. Money is a means to an end for a CG – ‘the gamble’ is the addiction and money is merely the tool that makes ‘the gamble’ possible. Hopefully his annoyance will lessen as he gets some gamble-free days behind him and he can begin to see the importance of what you are doing. In early recovery, support can often be met with objection which can sometimes be quite unpleasant. I remember my CG not liking me going to Gamanon which is the sister group of GA because I began to ‘know’ things that he didn’t want me to know.
I am glad that you hope that your husband will at least be honest with someone else even if it isn’t you. It is hard to think that the person we love the most cannot turn to us when something as bad as this is hurting them. I tried every which way to get my CG to change his life but when he eventually hit rock bottom and did control his addiction, he told me that there was never had been anything I could have done or said that would have made any difference – but that it had never been my fault.
I see no reason why your husband should turn to another addiction. How did he take control of his cocaine addiction?
I cannot stress enough Gem that looking after you first is the best thing you can do for you and also for your husband. When we are worn down and weary we are unable to cope and cannot hide our sadness. If your husband determines to control his addiction then seeing you happier and in control of your life will make it easier for him to change because he will see that you are not part of the wreckage his poor behaviour has caused. Every day determine to do something just for you, something that pleases you, possibly something that you have stopped doing because of the addiction. See friends, resurrect old hobbies and interests, take your lovely children to the park and just enjoy their play – anything but thinking about addiction.
I am not surprised your family are emotional – there is often guilt and anger when families feel they have not protected a loved one – getting rid of the cause of the unhappiness seems to the best option to them but of course it isn’t always so for the person who loves the CG. I suggest that you ask them to support you at this time but that you really don’t want opinions as they don’t help.
I have brought up my ‘F&F Cycle’ thread for you, hope it help you to know that everything you are saying is recognised here.
When we don’t know what to do, I think it is better to stand still until we can get some peace in our minds and then we can think more clearly. Writing your thoughts is hopefully helping your mind get less confused. You are really doing well.
Speak soon
Velvet
