You are doing ok, i am glad you are finding outlets like painting sometimes these things can help us through. I still miss my friends that died, they had a huge impact on my life, it is still raw right now, but it will get better, it takes time, it took me a long long time, but there is no grieving deadline, it happens, its a journey and it takes as long as it takes, i dont think we ever fully get over it but it is bearable down the track. Thinking of you and glad you are back after your relapse, so glad you did not continue it. Well done on that
P