Hi DD
I can understand your confusion; your mother is like an out-of-control child and her children, who have a right to be supported by her, are struggling to deal with her unacceptable behaviour.
Please put all thoughts of what you might/could/should have done – the past is gone and everything that you did, you did for the right reason, nobody could or should ask for more from you. I hope it helps when I tell you that I did everything wrong for all the right reasons for 25 years. With knowledge DD you will be able to cope and hopefully see your way forward with this incredibly sad situation.
I remember a friend of mine telling me that the Doctor had advised her mother to lose a lot weight when she was 84 and we agree that at her age she was ‘entitled’ to live the rest of her life eating whatever she wanted – the only person she ‘might’ have been hurting was herself. The gambling addiction is very different of course because it hurts those around it as well as the addict and the pain is often unbearable.
I wondered when I read your post and you compared the addiction to ‘the beast’ whether you had read the analogy that I often write about the addiction being the snarling beast in the corner of the room. I won’t repeat it unless I hear from you that you haven’t read it, however, I do think it is a good coping method in your circumstances. I will wait to hear from you on that.
I believe that if your mother will not consider seeking help she is probably not accepting her addiction – I think it more like that she is telling you what she thinks you want to hear so that you back away but her words are useless without action. Are you close to your siblings; have you considered getting all of you together and talking to her with one voice? Are all your siblings aware that enablement will only keep your mother up to her neck in addiction? The addiction to gamble is divisive and unity among those around the addict is vitally important because nobody is to blame.
I agree with you that just listening is probably never going to be enough for you because you are suffering and that is not right. A listening ear is good when a person wants to work their way through the confusion in their minds but your mother appears to be capable of abusing your listening ear.
How are you enabling her to stay in her own home which she loves? If she lost her home because of her addiction where could go? With you and your siblings united against her addiction she might see that the home she loves is under serious threat?
I will leave this first post here DD and await your reply.
Well done writing your first post, I know it could not have been easy.
Velvet
