Hi D
I am so glad you have shared your worry with your brother. Although he thinks that what your father is doing could be harmless, the score you believe your father would reach on the GA 20 questions suggests otherwise. As you will have seen most compulsive gamblers will answer yes to at least 7 of the questions, so there is reason to be concerned.
There are grey areas for many who gamble – gambling may be controlled but appear excessive to those around them. Most of us, I think, have things that we love doing that take over our lives for a time, even obsessively but do us no harm – for me it is table-tennis. The difference between me enjoying what I do and being compulsive is that if it hurt me or those around me I could stop easily and immediately.
When your father asked you for money for a friend of his, did you give it to him and if so when did you get repaid? Was he anxious when he asked you and what reason did he give for not helping his friend himself?
CGs have very big highs and lows, so how edgy and moody do you feel your father is around the times you think he gambles?
Does he lie, sometimes about things that make no sense and times when there is no reason to lie at all?
The fact that you don’t think he is in financial trouble possibly means he is gambling within limits he has fixed for himself in which case he ‘might’ be in control or problematic rather than addicted.
The person who, in my opinion, would benefit from talking about a possible worry is your mother but I really cannot tell you that this is something you must do. I know from my own experience that I would have gained immeasurably from knowing because I could have made sense of what was happening to me and I would have had choices in my life whereas ignorance meant I had none and therefore I enabled. ‘If’ your father is gambling compulsively then I have no doubt your mother’s life is being devalued. It may be that she will not thank you for talking to her because many people chose denial but if she is unwittingly enabling your father it seems to me she could do with understanding from those who love them both.
Living with the addiction to gamble is enough to weaken a person. Does your brother feel your mother is weak emotionally or physically?
Quite a few questions for you D but I hope that by exchanging information you will come to know the way forward that is right for you.
Whatever happens and I cannot stress this enough, you have your own life to lead and it is so very important that this concern does not damage your life. Many people do not achieve their best in education because they worried about extraneous things when they were young and then, for evermore, find themselves wishing ‘if only …..’ Your university education must come first; that is the right thing for both of your parents as well as for you.
Keep posting
V
