Hi Clo
An active CG (compulsive gambler) will use any excuse not to seek help when they are protecting their addiction and they are afraid of taking responsibility.
When you say that days are a little better now, do you mean that he has abstained from gambling? Unfortunately abstention on its own is not enough to control an addiction. Your bf has possibly been dry gambling. This is where he gambles without money – he makes mind bets. If he bets on sports, for instance, he could check out the odds and then watch the game and make a mental wager. Unfortunately such behaviour only keeps the mind in gamble-mode and that is not control.
This site is free for him to use – we have an excellent Helpline, CG only groups run by facilitators and the forum, ‘My Journal’, where he can receive support from others who are fighting their addiction or who have controlled it.
Unfortunately you cannot force a CG to change; you cannot save him from himself, only he can do that.
I think you were great refusing to enable him but his subsequent behaviour strongly implies he has been keeping his addiction alive as I have written above.
Maybe you could download the ’20-questions’ from the Gamblers Anonymous website and leave it for him to find. I suggest leaving it rather than giving it to him because he will probably react badly. Many CGs think that they are alone with their problem so the 20-questions may bring home the amount of damage he is causing himself and his family.
It is so important that you look after yourself at this time because the addiction to gamble can drag you down with it. You are not to blame for his addiction and you have a son who depends on you keeping fit and happy.
I hope you will write again soon and hopefully join the Friends and Family group on Thursday between 20.00-21.00 hours UK time or 8-9pm BST.
I wouldn’t be writing to you if I didn’t know that the addiction to gamble can be controlled and wonderful lives lived as a result but standing up to addiction isn’t easy, so please keep posting.
Velvet
