Hi Chanlon
A gambling addiction in the home often turns those who would never have considered such an action to play detective, so there is no need for forgiveness.
I completely understand your thinking when you say to your husband that you want to help him ‘as a friend’ but sadly his addiction will not allow him to hear these words as you mean them. A gambling addiction drastically changes reality to fit the personal perception of the gambler causing him to hear words spoken, with all the best intentions, as white noise from someone who cannot and does not understand.
Please rule out any thoughts of guilt, whatever you decide to do will be understood here. You have come here for support and I will never suggest that you leave or stay – all decisions must be yours as it is important that you re-take control of your own life. Knowledge of your husband’s addiction will give you power over it and I believe that knowledge helps one make the right decisions.
I take it that your husband has never sought any help for his problem – if this is the case and he was my husband, I would give him information on GA, this site and dedicated addiction counsellors. Maybe you could let him know that you are seeking help for you because you are treating his addiction seriously even if he will not.
Lying goes hand in hand with the addiction Chanlon – it is the gambler’s way of coping with those who love them telling them that they know what is going on. Lying and sometimes stealing are not necessary in a gamble-free life and your husband can have that life – if it was not so I wouldn’t be writing to you.
Your husband’s addiction can drag you down with it, if you allow it to do so. Looking after yourself is so important. Many loved ones give up on their friends and interests when they are worrying 24 hours a day about an addiction that they do not own themselves. You are stronger than his addiction, even if you don’t feel that you are.
Keep posting and hopefully pop into a group – it is good to share in real time.
Velvet