Hi CC
Three sons losing their father in such a way would almost certainly leave them blaming themselves with each one thinking ‘how could my father leave ‘me’’. Rejection at any age is horrible and then gradually being dropped further must have hurt them terribly.
There are times in most people’s lives, I suspect, when matters spiral out of control and you were obviously devastated about being bullied in your last job. It seems to me your son might have felt he had let you down because he wasn’t able to stop his mother being hurt again and he may have felt he was possibly temporarily losing both parents.
However, you are now on the up, doing a new job that you like and able to stand back and look at the whys are wherefores of your son’s behaviour. You are standing against his demands for ‘his’ sake when it would be easier, probably, to give in so I know you are strong – well done.
There is a lot that your son most likely needs to process but he doesn’t know it yet – after all at 18 doesn’t everybody think they know it all – I know I did?
In my opinion, he is angry and kicking out and you are the nearest target.
I am convinced you are strong enough, just by reading your posts. Would I be right in thinking that with 3 young men in your home there is a lot of shouting, competition and even anger? I am not suggesting you are a little ray of sunshine in the middle of all this testosterone but I do hope that for a short time each day you give some thought to you, something that makes ‘you’ happy, so that you can appear in control to your sons rather than your eldest thinking he is in control. It isn’t easy but if it is a gambling addiction at the heart of your son’s problems then he will not be deliberately hurting you and neither is he, nor you, to blame for that addiction.
Once again I am leaving a post even though there are many thoughts whirling round in my head but please keep posting and never worry about asking for clarification or telling me that you think I am getting it wrong.
Please tell me more about your 2 younger sons – are they quieter, more respectful, how are they doing at school? Is your eldest son working? Do they all have friends and enjoy hobbies or is it just your eldest that likes football?
I look forward to hearing from you
Velvet
